Tips from the experts.
Written by Mistress Scarlett
So the idea of chastity appeals to you? Decided on a keyholder or just want to try it out for yourself? Does tease and denial turn you on? Perhaps you are in a kinky relationship and want to hand over control of your orgasms to someone else? Whatever the reason you decided you would like to try out a chastity device, there are a few hints and tips that might help you enjoy the experience more or help you save some money in the long term.
While most people believe the most important thing is that the device is completely secure and prevents you from escaping, this tends to be more a fantasy as people that are desperate to escape the device will find a way. The psychological and mental aspect of chastity, handing over keys to your locked-up penis is what appeals to those who are looking into chastity from a more realistic aspect.
You need to want to offer honesty and your chastity to someone and actually be into the idea of enjoying your predicament and the pleasure the control offers to your key-holder. Denial of orgasm can have various other benefits, even if it is self imposed as well, but we will leave you to discover this for yourself. To prevent disillusion from the start, you need to realise that you would be going into chastity willingly and not escaping needs to come from a place of willpower and possibly submission as well as almost all devices can be escaped from if you try hard enough (or simply cut it off).
No chastity device is 100% secure and if your device does not fit you well, there is a good chance that you could escape from it if you tried hard enough. Even if you get a device specially made for you and measured to your size, your actual size can change dramatically depending on how much you expand when aroused, how much you shrink when cold or even what time of the day you measured up for the chastity device. The device is generally designed to fit around scrotum as well as penis, and even this area can change in size quite dramatically, even to the point of the testicles retracting back in to the body under some circumstances. So whether you buy off the shelf, or custom made, there is still some chance of escape if you really want to.
Okay, so it may not be possible to find a 100% escape proof chastity device, so what should you look for as a beginner? The answer to anyone looking to wear a cage for any length of time is comfort. Having a device that causes too much irritation and pain will generally result in it being removed for extended periods, which defeats the whole object and generally leads to a lack of interest in continuing with chastity in future.
How Do You Acheive Long Term Wear?
For long term chastity to be effective, you need to wear a cage that fits well and is comfortable for you. Make sure you measure correctly for the main ring (it must fit securely but comfortably and not cut off circulation). Start with a larger ring than you think you need and work downwards until you find one that is snug and holds the cage on comfortably without the colour of your genitals changing (blue is not a good colour for your testicles in this aspect).
Wear the chosen ring for a few days to get a good feel for it and change up or down as you see fit until you have one that works well for you. Changes to your genitalia such as a “morning glory” which causes a bit of restriction due to the swelling of the penis may cause mild discomfort, but should not be terribly painful. Other changes to your body such as stomach pain, urinary tract issues, aching or burning in the testicles are all signs of severe discomfort and indicate a larger ring size may be needed.
When measuring for length, get a cage that is the right size to allow the tip of a flaccid penis to rest gently against the front of the cage without pushing through the top. Longer cages often result in too much moisture due to urine ending up inside the cage and also allows for too much manoeuvrability. A cage that is too small can cause rubbing, pinching and uncomfortable bulging outside of the cage. Measure a few times during the day to get a more accurate measurement, to allow for body changes at different times of the day. The actual diameter of the cage is less important but a snugger fit will allow for less mess but also less airflow. The less space there is, the less comfortable an attempted erection will be as well.
What about material choice?
Choose your materials wisely as well. A silicone chastity device is a good beginner device, but doesn't really prevent masturbation with the device on and has to be lubricated often to prevent it sticking to the skin. Harder plastics are also available and may be a little harder to masturbate, but also need to be lubricated often to remain comfortable.
What do the Experts Say?
We contacted some of the top chastity bloggers who have been into chastity for years. Chastity is their lifestyle choice so who better to ask for their top tips and advice for beginners who are just starting out. We got some great and asked them what their top tips would be for beginners just starting out. So here goes: -
The Mistress Keyholder who is obsessed with male chastity gives these helpful tips for beginners: -
- All men are shaped slightly differently. Unfortunately, there isn't a device which is the perfect one for every man. So, be prepared to have to buy a few devices until you find the one for you. Measuring and reading reviews helps, but you will be very lucky if the first one you buy is perfect for you.
- Space to breathe is important for longer term chastity. The close confines of a plastic device with very few holes isn't for long term use. So, if you want something to wear for a week or more, look at a device with larger gaps, holes or a wire structure to allow for cleaning, and for skin to breathe.
- Don't have a key holder to control your keys? Try leaving them in your work locker over the weekend!
Lady M from the fantasic Monkey in a Cage provides this important advice:
- When trying out chastity play, it's important that the keyholder and the sub are on the same page and have similar expectations. If one person is expecting a short-term play type of thing and the other is expecting something more long-term, it's going to create some issues. Communication of each person's needs and desires is key.
Furcissy from the brilliant blog Femdom Ramblings from a Submissive Male says:
- For anyone new to chastity it’s important to know that it may take more than one attempt to find a device that works for you. Devices that offer a large number of sizing and adjustment options often provide the most value for people getting started. This can be particularly difficult and sometimes frustrating if you have physical characteristics that don’t fall within the middle 80% of the bell curve.
- Finding the difference between discomfort and pain can also be tricky. Early on you should expect some discomfort as you will be wearing something you aren’t accustomed to. Pain can lead to injury and trouble. Knowing the difference between the two can have a major impact on whether your entry into chastity is pleasant or terrible.
- Lastly, don’t skimp on lube. While you may find your skin toughens up a bit over time, chances are it won’t be that way at the start. Investing in some good, long-lasting lubricants will go a long way to making you comfortable in the long-run. Silicon lubricant can last a full day without needing to reapply it and a quick dab in the morning may save you from a world of discomfort later on. (As with any lubricant, make sure that it won’t be harmful to your device before using it).
Pcguy from the wonderfully informative Thrill of the Chaste says “If you're just trying to get started with chastity:”
- Having a properly fitting device can completely make or break a chastity experience, so it is very important to do your homework! Devices are certainly not one-size fits all and every person's body is different, so what works great for one guy could be a complete disaster for the next. Start with knowing your measurements and find a device that will fit as close as possible when completely soft. In my experience, the shorter and smaller the better, just not to the point of cutting off any circulation or anything. If you feel that is happening, remove it immediately and re-evaluate your sizing! If being locked in a chastity device is something that really appeals to you, don't get discouraged if the first device or two that you try ends in failure. Just try figure out exactly what wasn't right about it and use that knowledge to help find a different device that fits better. If you get tired of spending money for off-the-shelf devices that don't quite get the job done, there are also a number of custom chastity manufacturers who could make a truly form-fitting design that you could very easily forget you're even wearing over time!
- I would NOT listen to any story that says anything about some guy being locked in a device for the first time with no access to the keys and was "forced" to stay chaste for months at a time right off the bat. Those tend to be tales of fantasy, and the reality is that it doesn't work that way! Even if you already have a key-holder lined up or hope to ask a significant other to fill that role down the road, it is wise to practice some self-chastity for a while first. Maybe start with a couple hours at a time, then all day. See how it goes to sleep in it for a couple nights and work your way up from there. Keep the key in your back pocket the first few times you venture out of the house while locked, just in case an issue arises where you need to be let out in a hurry. Speaking of walking around in public, when you first begin doing this you will be acutely aware of any extra little "bulge" in your pants, or any little clink of a padlock against your device. And in your mind you will just be SURE that every single person within a twenty foot radius must also see that bulge or hear that clink, and know exactly what you have going on inside your pants. The simple truth is that unless you outright tell someone, NOBODY knows and NOBODY cares!
- There is no one "right way" to practice chastity. Some will want to work up to a 24x7 scenario and stay locked for weeks and even months at a time, rarely being "allowed" to have an orgasm. For others, a couple hours of denial is more than sufficient as foreplay leading up to some mind-blowing sex. It's important to know your own motivation and goals for being locked, as the more long-term you want to make it the more critical it becomes to have a well-fitting device! Just take your time, it is not a race! Figure out what works and what doesn't (keeping a small journal of your successes and failures could help a lot with this). Most importantly--have fun with it! Especially if you have a chance to share the experience with a special someone in your life, the rewards that can come from chastity and orgasm denial can far outweigh the initial struggles and inconveniences of finding an adequate device!